Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
