Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
