Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize