An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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