I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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