If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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