Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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