every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
