I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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