I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
