Just took my morning after pill in the library
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
