I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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