I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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