shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
