OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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