Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
