How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
