he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
