my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
