people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
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His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
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Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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