put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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