Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
