There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
