Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
