I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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