i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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