Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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