Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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