meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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