This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
