What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
