i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
