She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
