I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
