Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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