If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
