Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
where are my eyebrows?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
