Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
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I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
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And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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