How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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