Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fuck me I smell like cheese
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
