My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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