To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
where are my eyebrows?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
