I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
