that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
