I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
