It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
