You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm eating all of the evidence.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
