she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
