This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
