Already got asked if we're dating
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
