Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
