airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There's always time for handjobs
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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