names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
