So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
