Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
