We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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