if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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