Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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