If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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