i don't like sucking hair
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He felt like a one man threesome
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
