Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
