And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
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