Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
