i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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