I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
