I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
