listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
