No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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