I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
