I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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