dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
