this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
