Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
