The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
