there's paper in my vomit.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
