mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Damn victory sex feels great
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
