I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
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Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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