He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize