my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
