she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
